Why close friendships should replace romance - There is something very special bordering the metaphysical which enhances every moment both together and apart which is unique to innocence, and this magic is all too easily lost when innocence is removed by the all powerful hand of romance. The specific innocence of which I speak is not that measurable by previous deed, though it may be by circumstance and good fortune the case that one is still actually innocent, but rather, its innocence rekindled soul, available to be re-lit with every new encounter. It`s born again with the excitement of new beginnings when, and only when, the intentions are both selfless and entirely pure in their origins. This to which I refer is a special kind of sexual come emotionally innocent state which doesn`t have actual innocence as a requisite to its existence, and is entirely freed from the outside world of imperfections. Common love cannot even hope to compete with a state of perfect empathy heightened by unconditional friendship possible through friendship, for it is by its unfortunate human nature fractured by its own romance. Gone forever is the prospect for truly unconditional affections, and severely compromised, usually at any level, is the capacity for third parties. Common love is its own worst enemy, a double edged sword and the very nearest thing to hate, although of course none of us could be here without it. So, why is it then what the vast majority of us settle for, even aspire to, simple, it`s how nature has designed us, our family and wider society has programmed us, and because we very seldom ever question the way of the world - When can you last remember stretching your mind to the very limits of what it means to be human?

Friendship classifications-One way active friendship: Perhaps fortunately for many at the receiving end, because the door is left open for mutual participation and a possibly joyous outcome, although never actually fulfilling for either party, friendships as these can survive for as long as there remains any hope of eventual equilibrium. But then must inevitably fade away into only memory. No one though it must be said should ever be made to feel any embarrassment or indeed any shame in offering up the precursors for friendship to anyone at the time believed worthy of it. The absolute trust involved is an essential step for genuine friendship to evolve, and the predisposition and capacity for such friendships is only something over which to ever be proud.

One and two way resting friendships: It is commonly known that friendships may survive separations. What is perhaps not quite so commonly realized is that highest order friendships can endure isolation for as long as life itself, perhaps beyond. Continuous unfading memory is the only key, and preferably equally heightened for both. Friendship which is unconditional love is like this, held just beneath the surface, always bubbling, ready and waiting to spontaneously erupt with every next encounter, as spontaneously as the love was which planted the original seed. Unconditional friendship for social groups: Unconditional love/friendship, for it is actually a superior friendship, may at times be felt for entire social groups, or even for everybody falling inside entire regions of natural disaster, or beset by war, though probably falling just beyond the farthest reaches of the restraints upon being human when applied freely and with no stimulus. Just inside would be under circumstances where there is a predisposition to friendship for a social group, or perhaps, though I`ve never knowingly come across it, for society at large.

Friendship Infatuations: Though plucked from the air and then sealed with optimism, they are unrealized untruths, often a spontaneous response, like a reflex action. It is most often just one way, though sometimes in response both, has generally only a half life, though exceptionally may last much longer, even indefinitely. Only the reciprocator is in a position to understand the friendships true nature whilst it is still in full flow, and therefore the true nature of the interest being shown him. Friendship infatuation is born of idolization and thus may endure as long, though unlike with simple idolization there must be or have been time spent together. It can occur by way of every day society for somebody that, perhaps as a result of just gossip, reputation, or the press, has made a substantial impact.

Friendships beyond cut-off years: My closest female friend is of just sixteen years, out of some chance, but for reasons of absolute empathy. At sixteen her cut-off years would probably be around twenty at best, though by eighteen may easily be as old as twenty five. The cut-off years, beyond which family and wider society have programmed as forbidden territory, wholly or in part, for programming may not have been completed by the time that we first met, dictate the cut-off for active friendships with men, and in the same stroke, though with a weaker signal, the cut-off for any friendship, that is to say beyond just glorified acquaintances. Cut off years for romance tend to be a shade earlier, and active friendship tends to get the same treatment as for romance. Although I obviously fall way outside of this very narrow age range, it seems that with the provisions that the friendship remains inactive (with no date setting) and that my age is not/is not discovered to be greater than that of her parents average age, than not just friendship but friendship of the very highest order is still possible, as has been my experience. Active friendship which would probably in any event destroy the friendship from her side is not even a requisite for genuine friendship, and neither even for totally unconditional friendship to thrive. It is nature herself behind the whole notion of cut-off years, unable to accommodate for the higher order friendships and with the ability to cater for only primitive emotions leading to inevitable procreation, active friendship is made a no go area for aged, what it can only consider to be, mates. The first measure is in appearance and performance but the time since birth measure supersedes from that instant which it is revealed. The biggest obstacle in the way of natures deed is that of the existence of empathy, for it is actually only empathy which is vital to any friendship, and this is a commodity which may be discovered between people regardless of respective ages. Nature if it`s anything is highly resourceful, and it`s successfully taken the focus from empathy and neatly placed it on having things in common instead, along with the highly misplaced conception that interests in ones teens are somehow inevitably considerately different to those of someone decades older. This taken together does amount to deception of the very highest order for it has surely worked.

Active friendships well beyond cut-off years (The girl of sixteen years and the guy of sixty years for example): It might happen that it's the best friendship they'll ever have, and equally, it might be among the worst, but unless they are fortunate enough to be father and daughter, all-be-it step father, with society there to mess it all up they would likely never even fortune the chance to discover, for as far as society is concerned this is always the worst relationship totally irrespective of any other circumstance to it. There would certainly be pretence, plenty of that, for most people don't exercise their concerns, some destructive jealousy, anger, mistrust, contempt, of course perplexity, hostility, even fear, all to varying degrees. There does though appear to be far more jealousy out there than all the rest put together. Much of the anger, mistrust, contempt, perplexity and hostility probably only stems from this, but unfortunately there is never a psychoanalyst at hand to both advise them of their denial and to refer them on for pathological friendship jealousy when you most need one. There are also in society many less well programmed souls still capable of intelligent reasoning. Such friendships as these are determinable only on the basis of the actual nature of the friendship and those involved in it. If you are blessed with the good fortune of having a much older male friend, then until such time as you yourself are old enough that the benefits should outweigh the negatives in terms of going public, it is far better not, and to quite simply lie over his age.

Friendships outside the years of predisposition for friendship: I'm concerning myself here, as throughout, only with across gender friendships, though there is also beyond any doubt a very considerable problem here within gender as well. If we are adopting again the position of a female subject in her late teens then besides the impact upon her and the relationship as consequence of both her programming and society she may not even be of her own self predisposed older, and actually it may even be that she is indeed only predisposed younger. She then therefore could no more go there in special friendships with older males then she could turn bisexual, for predisposition to only a certain age range can be experienced similarly to that of predisposition by sexual persuasion and so can never be significantly breached. It would then matter little the youthful vigour of the older male. I cannot think of any language capable of expressing why these predispositions should be, accept perhaps to suggest that it may somehow concern this illusive substance we call chemistry, some mysterious sub-specie of vitality, or perhaps an as yet to be discovered energy field of some kind, which then over time must in every instance, for this theory to be a sound one, strangely depart from whence it strangely came, for this would be the only explanation to distinguish it from the basic energy and vitality that can still be present in certain individuals until quite late on in life. It's also quite possible, within this equation of predispositions, that as humans we have a programmed in tending toward the over- looking of the few that are the exceptions - The youthful vigour of the older male would tend to be for whatever reason inadequate here, and the same said of the older female should the circumstances be reversed. Age predisposed individuals are entirely misunderstood in western society for the predisposition is only viewed as being a preference and never as a necessity for love, which for these people it is. Sexual preferences and predispositions are obviously common place, and anyway an entirely different circumstance, though it is highly probable that the two would usually collude. I have very evidently something like total empathy, but with only a small minority of females, of those in the age range below twenty, but above sixteen, whilst at the same time if how they respond to me is to be the only measure, apparently quite little or none with all the rest? It strikes me as simply too strange that this should be the case, so black and then so white, that so many times my instincts should be so wrong, unless perhaps there is much more to this equation than just the empathy alone. I'll obviously never know for certain just what proportion of those in this larger group may in fact be concealing our empathy from me, and at the same time, some of them, us both. It is quite obvious to me that many more than at present would allow our empathy/part empathy known if it were not for one simple obligation, namely an obligation to their own denial. Programming has denial built into it for each and every time that it should be required. Young women's first instinct is to know of the male the amount of time elapsed since birth, and though a lie then may well lead into friendship, it is only to be undone on the instance of discovering the truth. Those of them both predisposed only to their own years, though there's always a small margin here, as well as also being entirely programmed, are the most aggressively ageist, and where it positively concerns them can in an instant become aggressively ageopathic. Although they do actually require very urgent treatment for what should be considered a mental disorder society neatly sees to it, or should I say nature does, that in not being even recognized, that it is in fact totally over- looked, no treatment, nothing, and so to further promote the ageist cause.

Friendship mimicry: Where, usually as a direct consequence of programming, there is the desire, but at the same time, perhaps as a direct consequence of respective ages, the incapacity for the friendship, an entirely superficial friendship specie is put in its place. It is very different from friendship infatuation for the simple reason that mimicry is always a deliberate act. Accept when it occurs both ways when it's a fun affair for ones "child" (child, parent, adult selves) mimicry can be devastatingly cruel, and those found to be on the end of such relationships should always receive your fullest support. One's propensity to friendship is also often a good measure for capacity in friendship, and those in want of more than a little capacity though may be excellent at mimicry, have nothing or very little to offer in terms of friendship for anyone.

Unfulfilled friendship: This is latent friendship and likely by far the most common-Friendship missed, or in other words friendship that would have materialized had it only have been acted upon in time. We are socially highly programmed into given specifics, with far less free will than there might on first appraisal appear to be, and as consequence directly of this state tend to be very intuitionally inadequate. Intuition requires the most testing environments to develop and grow. It's unquestionably more comfortable to follow the masses at each and every turn, but this is also the surest recipe for missing out on some of the best and most empathetic friendships you'll chance upon. Additional contributing factors take the form of, fear over the vulnerability of making the first move, low self esteem, inability of recognizing the moment, an inadequacy for realization, an inability for conviction, or any combination of these. As I've said, we are highly programmed to conform, or more concisely, we are programmed to want to, and it is this single fact which predetermines to a greater or a lesser degree where friendships shall eventually be discovered.

Blocked friendship: Personal example of - Young lady was excited at the prospect of joining me as a partner to my party entertainment venture, which out of working together in this environment obviously carries with it the requisite of friendship. She spontaneously recoils when her colleagues question her motives as a consequence of having noticed our extended discussions. With this example there are numerous social circumstances which could have equally well lead to its blocking and our respective ages are behind them all. Not character, personality, actual age (ageing age) or even the empathy between us need play a single role in the decision to block. Her friends turned out later to be ageopaths, filled with their norm of hate and contempt.

Common friendship: Seemingly unconditional to a point but only while considered to be of some advantage to the recovering of ground later. Invariably destroyed by want of equilibrium for there's no fall-back position for the friendship to adopt, it's friendship, or, it's nothing. Common friendship can and often does support many virtues, namely, trust, respect, concern, as well as tolerance and forgiveness to varying degrees.

Your boyfriends are all friends (?), or, if it should prove the case that they have their own secret agenda, beyond and outside of just friendship, would this/should this level of deceit still classify them as actually being among your friends, or, possibly there should be a different classification just for them, "seductionships" possibly? Only taking it that your boyfriends happen to be the same age, have the same interests, dress smartly, and of course spend their money, they'll gain approval, by both you and society. Never mind that your seduction may be a motive but, perhaps more rather than less likely at their younger age, it is very often the only one.

Unconditional friendship: This is a referral to friendship which is genuinely unconditional, and unlike with merely common friendship is always tolerant and forgiving. Unconditional friendship requires common friendship of at least a reasonable order to sustain it in its unconditional form, but has the fall-back position of common friendship in easy reach. The need for equilibrium here is experienced emotionally in the same way as for the whole spectrum of other friendships, but it never reveals itself to the relationship on the surface nor affects it in any single way other than, inevitably perhaps, to its fading. It is by its very nature a form, and the most superior form at that, of love, which characteristically so unlike other love is apparently detached from the rawness of its emotion, always calm, always platonic, yet under every circumstance brought to what you'd normally expect to bare down upon it, always dependable. Even when only able to be delivered in just the one direction it's enough, and there exists no more, that conflicts cannot even begin to form, for they surely cannot in the environment of a single ego. There is but one ego to be satisfied, for the other in the provision of harmonious bliss already is. Unconditional friendship is by its definition without the presence of self. Truly unconditional friendships are quite exceptional, only truly comparable with the love mother for child, though there is sometimes of course a single condition here, namely one of ownership. Unconditional when genuinely added to friendship and from both sides, makes for a near perfect, for nothing is actually perfect which isn't already divine, environment for empathetic affection to flourish. Simply put, a space to which is so much more than other mundane forms of friendship could ever even imagine aspiring. Character is renewed and personality only left to flourish.

Unconditional friendships with guys can never just spring into action from out of no-where, for they first have to be imagined, and in detail, with every single stroke of the brush, and then desired beyond all else, from your very soul in fact. Beyond a mother's love, obviously so, the predisposition to such friendship lies at the outer reaches of what can be humanly attained to. I apologize for repeating this but it should be said at least twice. This order of friendship is only accessible within the confines of gender and age predispositions and can only truly exist in an environment where there was already perfect empathy. You must discover the empathy before finding the gold. When you have, and of course taking it that you both passionately want the same thing, then the journey is effortless and the happiness unimaginable.

Silent friendships: Where there exists total empathy there is always friendship, even if it remains as yet unrealized on the surface.

Companion friendship: Based around activities that are held in common but also requires that there be an order of common friendship to survive. The down side when compared with what might easily be far more empathetic friendship, held together by their empathy, where fewer interests shared can add considerably to the fun and excitement in the adopting of the others interest, is one of possible fatigue and then eventual boredom.

Basic or genuine friendships: Very often to be confused with acquaintances. For genuine friendship to exist there must be mutual respect, trust, concern, and at least a degree of empathy. The phone must ring, times and places arranged. The guy may merely enjoy your company or he may actively enjoy it, and the active enjoyment to which I refer, in case you should be wondering, is largely at the empathetic end. The difference is marked.

False friendships: You will feel the most used when it's by the men which you most fancy and they can be the very ones most likely to show you the least respect. False friendships on the part of males are designed affectively with your suffering in mind, and generally end with your body more than one time. Discuss all of your friendships from conception and your proposed friendships considerably earlier, but only ever with those you can trust.

Friendships which happen to romance: If your instincts were inadequate before the rush of emotion became your world you may now never quite know for certain whether the friendship is actually genuine, or, whether in-fact it had actually been augmented for purely personal gain; the reason so many relationships turn so nasty when they begin to stop working smoothly in the guy's favour. Unless you're either highly intuitive, or fortunate enough to fall upon one of the shall we say more capable in friendship, the guy's ego can all too often finish-up on top!! False friendship is the territory of those guys incapable of genuine friendship and their entire motivation may be for self gratification. Only the cream of your friendships should ever be considered for romance and even then only as a truly natural progression.

Friendships which happen to platonic love: It may have been that you'd really wanted romance, but don't drop this one!-Hang on to it with your life, for this is a genuine friendship genuinely proven. You've only to add unconditional and you have been blessed with a friendship of an order born in heaven. Taking it that he also fancies you, which if it's genuinely unconditional he probably must, look no further for your romance.

Friendships through diversity: When friendship comes about as of consequence to the most extreme diversity then this form of friendship is not only exceptionally close, but also wholly capable of braking the usual rules for the bridging of considerable age divisions. There is often not even any requirement for genuine compatibility. The often protracted out sharing of the emotions loss and fear is also one of the surest ways of reinforcing friendships generally. Should a guy, any guy, save your life, then you'll most probably remain as close friends forever, together or apart. Wars create seemingly the least likely matches which often finish up in marriage. Friendships through daughters and relations: Daughters, if a guy should happen to be a father of one, can also create the environment for, or at least in not inconsiderable contributing part, active friendships to develop that are at times well outside of cut-off years. Her female friends, to a greater or to a lesser degree, will tend to associate her father in terms of being an extension of her own self, only should he be referred to by her enough times and is already moving in their social circles. Along with reassurances from his daughter in support of their trust this collective situation would inevitably render him a candidate for possible exception. However, should the trust ever be broken with her friends then they might very well never forgive her either.

It is easily possible and likely probable that two or more of these friendships may reside in tandem.

Completely avoid any guys which you intuitively sense, or have been indicated to you, perhaps in direct terms, perhaps more circumstantially, may be incapable of genuine emotion or regard. They may be sociopathic, and in which case capable of severe psychological and physical harm.

Our minds are highly programmed at the cost of what would otherwise be strongly developed instinct, making it all the harder to recognize where the real threats are coming from. Every person has every other person to blame for this for we are all programmed to a greater or lesser degree, and therefore will tend to the basing of our single assessments to a far too considerable degree in terms of social generalizations. The problem the sociologist is all too familiar with. This has very unfortunately already become intrinsic to the human condition.

Friendships with your younger peers: Be most mindful of younger males because this is where you're actually having most of your relationships and therefore problems. They can least be trusted with platonic friendship and at the same time are the true masters of deception.

Internet friendships: Everything is possible emotionally, but then when you're with him, none, some, or all which you had felt before will simply vanish. You might be lucky!

The immediate environment besetting potential friendship and how candidates for friendship first deal with that, often has a considerably marked influence on whether friendship actually goes on to develop. Never try to assess your success in terms of a friendship ranking, for often the most capable in friendship are also the least successful in the initial acquirement of friends. The two are not synonymous. Although kissing and cuddling is only ever a movement toward and never away from the perfect state, and I'm a perfectionist if I'm anything, much more than this tends to the undermining of anticipation, wonderment, magic, and perhaps finally even respect, though in the context of any loving relationship it might prove incredibly difficult to concede to oneself, and more so to one's partner, the loss of, all-be-it partial, such fundamental virtues as these, especially once it was anyway already too late. With procreation natures end game denial always does its level best to step in at exactly the right times. I therefore always exercise considerable both caution and restraint in all of my relationships, favouring unconditional friendships over steamy romance.

Copyright Kates 10